Uncrate.com says "give it credit for not trying to hide its possible side effects" (we're looking at you, Chipotle hot sauce). Colon Cleaner Hot Sauce ($14) is a devastating blend of mustard, scotch bonnet peppers, salt, onions, water, vinegar, sugar, and some other goods that's ready to add a healthy blast of heat to pretty much anything you put it on. Just use it wisely — and by wisely, we mean don't load up on it at breakfast before heading out to a festival where your only chance of relief lies in the line for the porta potty.